So much to yap about

So, I just got back from the Women's Bible study tonight. I must say, I am blessed SOOOOO much when I go. I've only been twice now...and also to the retreat and every time....WOW! It's incredible! We are a small group of women with an amazing teacher leading us and we learn soooo much. I love it. And God is in that place. You feel His presence and it's just wonderful.

Anyway, I wrote a few days ago about how I don't want to do the day care anymore. Since then I have been scouring the want ads. I've applied to a few places. I have left two messages for the hotel I used to work with and some messages with a few other hotels. And I haven't heard a thing yet. Granted, it's only been a few days. But what's funny, in these past few days, I have received 6 calls from people asking me if I had any openings in my day care. Honestly, I only have room for one more full time and 2 before and after school. But personally, I don't think I could handle anymore....just yet. But the fact that I have received 6 calls in 3 days is crazy! I have gone months, and I mean months, without a call asking for care. When I first started up, it took me awhile to get any kids. I almost gave up. So after the last call I received this evening, I thought, okay God, are you trying to tell me something?

I began to then think that maybe I am supposed to be doing the day care right now. God has given me this position for a reason and entrusted these kids to me for a purpose. And tonight, at the Bible study, through the lesson, verses and discussion, it was confirmed.

To be completely honest, and I will admit it, I am the cause for the day care kiddos being so exhausting to me lately. I have been LAZY. I have been neglectful to my duties. I don't give it my 100%. I began to get burnt out and that excitement I once had for the day care and everything died. The only thing that is really structured are meal times and nap times, because they have to be. I don't always stick to a routine and there is way too much time spent in free play or watching movies and mainly for my benefit...or so I think. It actually doesn't benefit me because they act out and beat each other up and fight because of my laziness. Now, I know they are also really young, and that's what kids do, but at the same time, I can clearly see how my actions or lack thereof have produced the results lately that have been wearing me out.

So, tonight as I drove home from the study, I talked to God. I asked for Him to again confirm all of this if it is the case. And what I heard was.......

Erica, I have given you a job to do and you aren't doing it. You aren't giving it your all. You aren't working at it for me. You aren't doing it joyfully. You have not been showing those kids my love. You haven't been gentle always and patient always and you have been a time bomb with them. You get angered easily and once you begin to get stressed, you let them have the control. You know that these children don't live in true Christian environments. I chose these kids to be under your care for a reason. You want to have one on one time to teach your little girl. You want to start teaching her how to read. You want her to learn French. And most importantly, you want her to begin to memorize Bible verses. I want the day care kids to be learning those verses too.

Give it your all. Be prepared every day. You know you don't spend the time preparing and then the kids get bored while waiting for you to cut out their craft papers and get everything ready. It is then they act up. You know you need to take the time to be prepared.

Give this your all and then see how it goes.

So, that's what I am going to do. This weekend, I am going to put together a better schedule. I am going to work on their Bible Memory Verse poster. I am going to spend more time planning out the remaining letters and weeks of their current curriculum. I am going to remember that God has given me this task to do for Him and that I need to have that attitude, even when it is tough......even when I feel like I am talking to a wall instead of talking to the kiddos. And I need to remember that I can do ALL THINGS...because HE will give me the STRENGTH I need.

So, I am no longer bummed that the only calls I have gotten have been day care calls. Oh, how I'd jump when that phone rang and how how disappointed I was when it was the call it was.

But, ya know, I can do this. I can. My hubby asked me tonight, when I came home and told him all of this,...... so how long are you planning on doing it for?

Honestly, I am not too concerned with that right now. I mean I know that I'd like to be non-working in two years if possible, so that I really can focus on teaching just the miss and mister, since I do want to homeschool them for a little while. But until then, I'll just do what He has given me to do for now and follow His lead.