Friday, January 5

muted joy

So, do you ever have times where you just feel blah for no apparent reason? I mean, really...things on this end are going well. I mean sure we have some money problems...but we always end up being okay, and really, I have never been one to let finances ruin my day. We have all been battling colds and such over the past couple of weeks, but really, we are all doing much better now. Things with the family are great. My life is wonderful and I am happy. So then, why do I feel so blah?

I just don't feel as filled as I would like to. I have been doing my devotions every day. Although, I don't spend as much time in the Word as I would like, I am still in it every day. And I've already begun to see how it has helped me, even in this past week, to have more patience and gentleness. This week has been wonderful.

So, again, why am I not walking around a pure example of the joy I have within me? Have I somehow not allowed the Spirit room to overflow me? Am I blocking the Spirit? Yesterday I had some free time and I spent it reading a bunch of celebrity gossip blogs. Why? Who knows. I get addicted to that stuff. It's sad, I know it. The whole time, I heard the Spirit telling me I had a much better way to spend my time, but I shrugged it off.

A couple of days ago, I was on the phone with a good friend who was telling me some struggles she had been having over the week with her kids. She was tired and drained. I heard the Spirit telling me to pray for her right there...on the phone with her. But I ignored it. Can I tell you how guilty I have felt for ignoring God?

But I ignore Him all of the time. When I spend free time browsing junk on the internet, watching television shows that don't in anyway glorify Him, while listening to music that doesn't speak of Him. And I am not saying that it is totally and completely wrong to do those things. But, I think if I am noticing myself shutting Him out and then allowing all of this other stuff to come in, the end result is what I have now.....blahness.

I need to be completely filled each and everyday...and every time the Spirit leads me a certain way and I ignore it, I deplete some of that which I am to be filled with.

I think it's time for me to open up my Bible, put on some Worship music and Praise my God who has blessed me so much and who loves me still even at times when I basically cover my ears and go "la, la, la" while He speaks to me.