So, I am married. As many of you who are married know, you can sometimes have very challenging times throughout a marriage. Especially more so, if you don't have that faith in God and that love for God in the center of your marriage.
My hubby and I have been married for almost four years now, which I know isn't that long. But we have already been through so much in the short four years. We have had a child, a move and even time away from each other, while DH was tdy in Korea for a year. We have had a lot of strain put onto our marriage. And to be very honest, we almost let that strain get the best of us. But we decided to try to trek on, despite the strain. But it has been taking time to get over that. We have had many roads to walk and obstacles to overcome while just trying to get around the strain corner. And who knows what lies beyond that.
I think that there are parts of both of us that are still affected by things that had begun to be destructive to our marriage, and I know we aren't to the point yet in our marriage that God has it planned for us to eventually be. But what I do know, is we are getting there because I can feel it, believe it and see it.
Over the past couple of months especially, God has really been changing my heart in many ways. And with some things, it hasn't been an easy change. For those of you who know me, I can be quite stubborn. There are some things I just want control over. But, I have been doing my best to let that go and to submit to God. And let me tell you, the past couple of weeks, I have really REALLY REALLY noticed a change in myself.
My outlook on things has been changing to where I see my family more through the eyes of God, rather than through my eyes and the expectations that I have.
Expectations, that right there is the key word and the definite biggie, I think. We all have our expectations especially in our spouse, of what we want them to be thinking and doing. My problem was, I would want my hubby to be doing something at the exact moment I was thinking it. Like, for instance, I would think... gee, maybe he could take the trash out right this instant. Then I would end up getting all stressed out because my expectations, which hadn't even been voiced, were not being met. Sometimes, well actually, many times, I would express myself in that female nonverbal communication way, for example placing the closed up bag of trash by the front door. But all of us women know that it never works, yet we do it anyway. Why?
And what's funny is, if my hubby was busy with something and had every intention of taking the garbage out in fifteen minutes when he was done with whatever he was doing, it honestly would have taken me less energy to just open the front door, walk a few more steps and stick it in the garbage can myself. I mean heck, I was already halfway there. But instead I used up more energy as I allowed anger to stir inside myself for fifteen minutes while watching him not react to the bag of trash by the front door. And we all know that eventually stirred anger turns into bitter stew.
Of course, we have faced bigger trials than getting angry over a bag of trash. But why I like to use such a small thing as an example is to show how even something that small can cause bitterness to stew inside of you. Then, when other little, silly things like that begin to create anger and bitterness, before you know it, you are filled to the brim with the horrible and destructive bitter stew. And it is definitely not sweet to anybody's lips.
Anyway, over the past month, I have been feeling those expectations start to diminish...or shall I say, I have been looking at things more through Steve's eyes. I have also been growing more in patience. Have I done a complete 180 yet? Of course not. But I think I will get there eventually. I try not to get easily angered over silly things. But I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I have been trying to focus more on myself and ways that I can improve. Before, I just liked to nag my hubby and focus on the tens of thousands of things that I thought he was doing wrong. But when you shift that focus onto yourself, you realize the tens of thousands of things that you could be doing better. So, I have been fixated on that lately.
And what's awesome, is not only has it made me want to strive to become better, I have noticed that at the same time my hubby has been changing also. He has actually begun to take more initiative and to help me out more and a lot of the time, without me even asking.
It's funny what happens when you try to stop nagging. Proverbs 27:15-16 tells us "A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant dripping on a rainy day. Trying to stop her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or hold something with greased hands."
I just came across an article that articulates what I would like to say about the nagging wife, much better than I think I can.
"Something that never wears out or goes out of style is a "meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." Meek, means gentle, considerate, willing to surrender your own personal rights. Quiet, means peaceful, restful, undisturbed. A meek and quiet spirit is a precious and beautiful thing in the eyes of God, a thing of supreme value. But if my conversations with Christian husbands reflect the prevailing state of affairs, this trait is glaringly absent among women generally-even Christian women.
We often find instead moodiness, irritability, nagging, grumbling, and complaining....hardly commendable traits in a Christian woman! But, some will protest, "you said in the preceding chapter that it is our physical makeup that causes us to be emotionally weak and moody." True, but not all moodiness can be attributed to body chemistry. In fact, much of it may stem from a refusal to get down off the throne of one's life and let Jesus Christ take control. This kind of refusal is sin. Irritability is one of the most common complaints of husbands and wives against each other, and it usually results from one partner interfering with the pleasure, comfort, convenience, or well-being of the other partner. Irritability is really nothing more than our sin nature having its own way. That sin nature needs to be dethroned and defeated!
This fact does not give a husband the right to be unloving or unkind when his wife is in a bad mood. She still needs words of sympathy and understanding rather than angry retorts like "Snap out of it" or "Stop acting so childishly." But neither can a wife blame her bad disposition on her husband. She must accept the responsibility for it personally before the Lord. She must call it what it is, sin. Then she must confess it to God and claim his power and grace to overcome it. The Lord Jesus Christ will then produce in her His own graciousness and sweetness.
Admittedly, a woman's life can be difficult. The burden of keeping up a home and caring for the children can easily become a monotonous routine. She goes through the motions, but feels as though she is not contributing anything significant to life. The constant confinement of four walls and the incessant backdrop of childish chatter threaten to drive her to distraction. But if she allows that attitude to linger it will cast a dismal gloom over the whole household, and everyone in it will suffer. A cheerful atmosphere in the home depends largely on the wife. If she accepts her responsibility to create a congenial atmosphere and yields herself to the indwelling Spirit of God, He will produce in her His fruit of joy; life will become an exciting challenge rather than an exasperating chore. Sometimes women get involved in so many outside activities they lose sight of the biblical priorities. Their first responsibility is to make their husbands and their homes happy-and this takes serious thought, careful planning, and selfless attention. The dividends are rich, however, and the personal satisfactions and rewards are well worth the effort.
King Lemuel describes an amazing woman in the last chapter of Proverbs. It would profit every Christian wife to read this chapter often. She is a talented woman. In fact, she even helps with the income. It is not wrong for a wife to pursue a career if it does not interfere with her domestic responsibilities. Judging from all that she does for her family, the ideal woman of Proverbs 31 is an industrious, self-disciplined woman who schedules her time carefully. Nothing is too much trouble for her. She even rises before daybreak to prepare breakfast for her family. One word is probably more important than any other in the passage. It is the word that describes her sustaining attitude: She worketh willingly with her hands. The literal meaning is, with pleasure. Her deepest joy and satisfaction is found in making her family happy. You see, the Lord is interested not only in what we do, but also in how we do it. Our attitude matters to Him. When a Christian wife is yielded to Christ she will be able to accept her God given role joyfully, and her husband's heart will cry, "Amen' when he reads the words, The man who finds a wife finds a good thing; she is a blessing to him from the Lord!
A word of caution must be given to the husbands, too. It is so easy to talk about the faults of our mates instead of seeking the grace of God to improve our own shortcomings. This chapter was not written for husbands to hold over their wives. It was written so that the Holy Spirit can enlighten Christian wives about their biblical duties. Let each of us examine our own lives in the light of the Word; the Holy Spirit will perform His work in your mate in His own divine way! - Richard L. Strauss
I like how Mr. Strauss says that we need to get down off the throne of our life and let Jesus Christ take control. It really is true, yet we can find it to be oh so difficult. But, I know that as I step off of my throne and submit the control over, I watch my marriage transform before my eyes. And of course it isn't 100% yet. Who knows, if it ever really can be. I mean it's definitely a day to day process and most of it has to do with yourself and how much time you give to God each day, because it really does make a difference on your attitude and perceptions.
But what I do know about the transformation that has been occurring, is that things are better than they have been in a long while. And it really does just give you such an excitement for each new day to see how God will bless your marriage and use your spouse to speak to your heart and to also bless you.
Tuesday, May 2
Subscribe to:
Comment Feed (RSS)
|